Crazy Eyes

“This is the greatest day of my life!”

“I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

“Keep your fingers crossed!”

“I guess you can’t trust anyone.”

These are just a few of the symptoms of chronic Vaguebooking. Vaguebooking is a sickness where one constantly posts vague status updates on Facebook. Facebook is not the place to play guessing games. It is a a place to post pictures of your food and pretend you have the perfect marriage. Vaguebooking causes unnecessary stress to ones friends. How can you sleep at night knowing what you’re doing to people you haven’t spoken to in a decade? I posted a vague status tonight to demonstrate. A few of my close friends were very concerned. A few others commented, but I know many more were scratching their heads. I apologize. It was all in the name of science.

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I thought I was the subject of a Vaguebooking recently.

Is he talking about me?

He can’t be talking about me.

He has to be talking about me.

Why would he be talking about me?

He is talking about me.

He wasn’t talking about me.

What did passive aggressive people do before Facebook? Did they write anonymous letters? Scribble graffiti on brick walls? How did they make someone feel insecure without actually telling them?

Facebook is also a good way to unwillingly publish horrible pictures of yourself. What’s worse than seeing a bad photo of yourself online? That time a friend attempted to fix the red eye in a good picture and made you look like Crazy Eyes.

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