F*ck You Pinterest
Pinterest is nothing, but a false beacon of hope. I made the mistake of searching the app for a project. I wasn’t remodeling a bathroom or refinishing a dresser. I wanted to make a Christmas ornament with my daughter and her friend. Five year old girls f*cking love crafts. I was about to be a rock star.
They also love the movie Frozen. I know, that is really unusual. I figured we could make Olaf. It is a snowman. How hard could that be? I found an ornament made out of a toilet paper roll. I can swing that. On any given day there is a toilet paper roll on a bathroom counter in my house. The other members of my family break their arms and legs every time they use the last sheet of paper. So, it’s impossible for them to carry the empty roll to the trash can and throw it away. My hope is that one day researchers find a cure for this mysterious illness.
I gathered supplies from the “junk drawer.” Everyone has that drawer of ‘sh*t you think you may need one day’ : broken watch, bread bag twist ties, pieces of ribbon, screws, Etc. I grabbed a few buttons and scraps of paper. I peeled the crusted glue off the Elmers bottle and handed it to my daughter. Then, I busted out the hot glue gun. I borrowed it last year from my mom to make a wreath. I get crafty once a year. It takes 12 months to recover from my wounds; both physical and psychological.
I cut the toilet paper roll into pieces like a boss. It was all downhill from there. I burned myself every time I picked up the glue gun. Pieces of cotton balls were stuck to my fingers and clothes. The table looked like Martha Stewart threw up. It took an hour to make two ornaments. I was sweating and frustrated, mumbling to myself. What the hell was I thinking? Instead of a happy Disney character, the final project looked like a psychotic snowman.
The girls had fun. My daughter insisted we hang it on the tree.