The next time a child tells you a dog ate their homework believe them. I have proof ridiculous things do happen. My 5-year-old was late to school on Monday because of a fly. No, it wasn’t a gigantic insect seen in Godzilla movies. It was your average house fly. In fact, it was sluggish, having survived the winter in my house. I was about to load the kids in the van, but realized my keys were in my bedroom. With the kids standing in the kitchen, I ran upstairs. First time Moms are whispering, “She left them alone!” Honey, I am not a Duggar. Not only does Michelle have a super strength uterus, she brings 19 kids everywhere. Ain’t nobody got time for that! I was upstairs for 30 seconds when I heard blood curdling screams. I nearly tripped down the stairs. “I need you Mommy,” my daughter hollered. Was their an intruder? Did they get hurt? No. They saw a fly. My 3-year-old clung to my leg begging me to find it. My 5-year-old was yelling at her to calm down. I was sweating. It took 10 minutes to get the situation under control. At the school I was asked to fill out a slip explaining why we were late. Do I write that we were late because my children lost their mind over a bug smaller than a dime? My son was late for school because my kids are sheltered? I decided to go with “My son was late to school because we slept in.” I would rather look lazy than insane. What the school doesn’t know won’t hurt them.
Late-slip chick asked one morning (one of THOSE mornings) for a reason. ‘We’re just late.’ She wasn’t satisfied. Went on and on about being an example of responsibility to our children and preparing for ‘hiccups’ in the morning, yada-yada. I’m thinking the whole time she’s filling out the slip while I’m bent over tying my daughters shoes, taking off her coat and whatnot. When I stand she asks ‘Do we understand?’
I gave her my ‘Bitch!’ look and said ‘WE are late-ER because you’re wasting time with this dogma you’ve been up all night preparing. LIFE! I am late because of LIFE!’
She gave me the slip and it’s now known that if Mrs. Lopez is late just send Hannah to class.