My child can kick your honor student’s….

After having an incredibly stressful day at work I got stuck driving behind the guy who felt it necessary to pimp his $500 ride. He had the metal chain that framed his license plate and a blue light glowing underneath the frame. This screams: “I want you to think I’m a bad ass, but I DVR The Golden Girls on TVLand.” A car is meant to get you from point A to point B. Yes, this is the same girl who once owned a Dodge Daytona. I was a waitress in high school and saved nearly 2 grand. (I served a lot of toast to old people to make that bank.) Instead of listening to my parents and buying a used car that would, well, WORK I purchased the “cool” car. The Daytona was a hot little ride back in the 90’s. (When it wasn’t on fire on the thruway or stalled in my driveway.) Anyway, I’ve learned my lesson and I do have a point. I think it’s ridiculous to decorate your vehicle. I don’t care if Billy plays hockey. Knowing that little Suzie made honor roll doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. So save that shit for the annual Christmas letter. Bumper stickers are a serious commitment. What if you decide that you don’t care about world peace next year? Now, you’re stuck. I actually saw a guy driving a minivan with the bumper sticker “I LOVE PUSSY (cats)” Imagine what that tool is teaching his kids. Oh, and for the love of God take the damn sticker family off your back window. Especially if you’re family consists of you, a cat, a dog and a bird. That is just depressing.

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