Ob-flea-us

My 4-year-old daughter tied a shoelace to the arm of the chair and climbed on the cushion. “What are you doing?” I asked. She rolled her eyes, “What does it look like I am doing?” I thought
about it for a minute and shrugged my shoulders. This is my third kid and I still haven’t figured out the logic of a preschooler. “I am sliding down the shoe lace, duh!” I scolded her for saying “duh,” but she had to have the last word. “Well, it’s ob-flea-us.” I wanted to say, “First of all, the word is obvious. That adjective is way out of your league. Second, (because numbering thoughts is what adults do) that is a pretty stupid stunt. When have you ever seen someone successfully slide down a shoelace? ” I actually said,”That may not be a good idea honey. You could get hurt.”

Do you know what else is stupid? Tying your baby to the train of your wedding gown and walking down the aisle. Yeah, that really happened.

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A woman in Tennessee actually walked down the aisle with her newborn dragging behind. If I found a magic lamp my wish would be to go back in time and be in the room when this decision was made. Should I carry the baby? No, you have to carry the flowers. Should I push her in a stroller? No, that would take up too much space. I’ve got it! I can tie her to my dress. The bridal party cheers.

Did she use string? Yarn? Ribbon? Did she go with a standard knot or “Bunny Ears?”

I actually feel sorry for the bride. Clearly, she doesn’t have any friends. A real friend would have told her how idiotic that idea was. Ob-flea-ously!

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