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Epic Wedding Dance
This is how I am going to roll at my son’s wedding if I ever approve of the woman he wants to marry and allow him to get married, but I don’t see that happening. How could any woman compare to his beautiful, funny, thoughtful, loving mother? I pity the girl who tries to take him away from me.
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Miss Susie had a….
Kids nowadays don’t know how to have fun. (She says while hiking up support hose and adjusting her false teeth) Throwing birds at blocks? Constructing houses with a guy named Steve? Playing video games with your friends who are in a different house? (The Jetson’s didn’t predict that one either did they?) That isn’t fun. We knew how to have a good time when I was child. We played a game with yarn and called it “Cat’s Cradle” even though it had nothing to do with kitties or a baby. We smacked hands while singing about buying bread at a Chinese restaurant. I actually tried to teach my children that…
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Ohio boy pays it forward…..
There are stories on the news that make you shake your head, roll your eyes and even yell at the TV. Then, there are stories that leave a mark. They are written so well, told so beautifully that you feel strong emotions for a perfect stranger. You may not remember their name, but you can’t seem to get that person out of your head. Sometimes a two minute story can change you. Those are the stories I miss telling and this is one of them:
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Instructions not included
The Oscars are a week away and I have seen four of the movies nominated, two of which were animated films. That is a record for me. I think the movie “Instructions Not Included” deserved a nomination. It didn’t resonate with critics, but the common folk gave better reviews. The Spanish-language film grossed over $40 million. I saw it in the theater with a good friend of mine, but watched it again on TV over the weekend with my husband. We tried to start the movie when the kids were still awake. It was a bad idea. My 6-year-old is learning to read and is very excited about it. Do…
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Nasty to the core
“Oh no! What day is it,” my 13-year-old set down his fork, suddenly panic-stricken while eating pancakes. “It’s Thursday.” He took a deep breath, cupped his face in his hands and said, “That means we have to do Carnegie Math on the computer.” It is another part of the “Common Core State Standards.” Forty five states and the District of Columbia have adopted the new curriculum. The standards are more challenging for K-12 students. What’s wrong with that? Every teacher must revamp their style of teaching to match the new standards. They are given binders with scripted lesson plans. The lessons are boring. Many teachers say they have been…
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Take this job and shove it!
Clearly this woman worked in a newsroom. (cause it looks like a newsroom) I had a similar boss at one point. News Directors come and go like men through Taylor Swift’s dressing room. In fact, that guy who eliminated my position via text message and email after a decade of dedicated service? (paging Mrs. Bitterman) Yeah, he just got kicked to the curb. Karma is a wonderful thing. Anyway, this other guy would start each morning meeting reading from a tally sheet. “People love the homicide video. That got the most hits.” I am so happy their loss is your gain a**hole. There are journalists who actually care about people…
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Minivan Mix
I am a big fan of Bruno Mars. So, when I heard a radio DJ introduce his new song I cranked the volume. Pump up the volume, pump up the volume, dance, dance. Mama knows how to rock out in the minivan. Then, this happened : “Here is Bruno Mars’ latest song, Gorilla” Okay, the song is about gorillas kids. That is one of our favorite exhibits at the zoo. (turns up the volume even more) Ooh I got a body full of liquor With a cocaine kicker And I’m feeling like I’m thirty feet tall So lay it down, lay it down Mommy, what’s cocaine? I think he…
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JT’s MJ cover
Here is yet another reason to love Justin Timberlake:
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Instructions Not Included
There are movies that makes you laugh, cry and the rare screenplay that takes your breath away. Honestly, I don’t recall the last time I saw a movie like Instructions Not Included. I absolutely loved this movie. Critics hate it. For years I have based my decision to rent movies on the Rotten Tomatoes rating. Yes, it is ridiculous to make life decisions on a food that claims to be a fruit, but is used as a vegetable. I am glad I didn’t check the website before buying this ticket. I met my good friend, Nikki, at the theater tonight. How did I escape the homestead? I had to taxi…
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Mid-life crisis
I have been whining for years that I need time alone. Being the mother of three, I can rarely pee without having a conversation with a child. Mom, who would win in a fight? Batman or Wolverine? Could we have this riveting debate after I wipe my vagina? Well, I’ve finally got time to myself and I don’t know what the hell to do. This morning I sat and cried with another mother over coffee. This woman had no idea what she was getting into when she invited me. Our tearful conversation began at the cash register. The barista was training and couldn’t figure out how to key in my…