Tickets please?

I just received an email from Ticketmaster with information on upcoming shows it believes I would enjoy. Among the recommendations are a Hanson concert, Golden Gloves Boxing and The Mr. & Mrs. Bodybuilding Contest. So, my purchase of Elmo Live leads them to believe I like to MmmBop or watch a husband and wife beauty pageant? I’m struggling to lose 10 (or 20 pounds) from my last pregnancy and my husband eats nachos in bed.

Besides when in the hell would I have time to go to anything alone. I can’t even take a #2 without a child being in the room with me. If I do go anywhere without the youngsters in tow I want to go to a restaurant that doesn’t have chicken nuggets or french fries on the menu. I want to savor each morsel of food without telling my children to “take a bite”, “sit down”, or “chew with your mouth closed.”

I am at the point in my life where I am hoping to get front row seats to The Fresh Beat Band concert. A band where the rapper is a 6 foot tall white guy with the brain of a 5-year-old. This guy makes Shaggy from ScoobyDoo look like a road scholar. Besides, I don’t want to see oiled up, muscular men with John Boehner tans bouncing around in a ring. Um, well, maybe that’s not such a bad idea. Girls night!