I thought about setting the DVR and watching The Academy Awards when I finally get to see the nominated movies. So, that would mean I would watch the show in about three years. It’s not that I don’t love going to the movies. I would just rather spend those rare nights out with my husband or girlfriends having a conversation without having to pause to say “What do you need?” or “Do you want to go in time-out?” So, I rely on cable television or Netflix. Honestly, I will probably flip back and forth to see who wins an Oscar. I don’t feel nearly disgusting enough. I need to spend part of my night watching gorgeous women strut down the red carpet in dresses worth more than my house. As I cram fistfuls of popcorn in my mouth and lick the butter off my fingers I will try to tell myself a size 2 is unhealthy. Honey truth is, I would love to be able to slip into a dress without wearing what looks like a scuba suit underneath. Who will I be wearing tonight? Sweat pants by Hanes. Bite me Joan!