April Fools

It’s that time of the month where idiots tell bold face lies and then shout “April Fools” in your face. I don’t like to be toyed with. You always have that guy that takes it a little too far. “The house is on fire.” “Your dog is dead.” “I crashed into your car.” That’s not funny. In fact, in kind of pisses me off. You’re amused that I almost had a heart attack? My kids also partake in this annual tradition. Last year my son told me his brother pooped in the living room. It was plausible so I grabbed paper towels and prepared to scrub. Since it was my son, I love him dearly and I am trying to build his confidence I pretended to laugh. Oh, ha ha ha. You just wasted my damn time when I could be cleaning real shit off the toilet seat. On the bright side it’s April and that means I have a birthday this month. Wait, that means I’m one year closer to 40. Let’s pretend that is a joke.

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