Children of the Corn


It doesn’t matter where you live there is always that mother who strives to make the rest of us look like assholes. There is a mom at my son’s pre-school who seems to skip into the building with bluebirds on her shoulder. She sews her daughters clothing and jars vegetables for the winter. I had no doubt she would make Valentine’s Day cards. While the rest of us scoured Walmart for Spiderman Valentines that say things like “I Want to Hang Around You” she cut down a tree and made her own paper. I barely had enough patience to sit as my son signed his own name to each card. Each one is smaller than a tea bag and he scribbles letters like he is writing a ransom note with his foot.


Mommy Dearest did not disappoint. This year she not only used glitter and stickers, she made a mother flipping 3D card. (My husband thinks my blog is too new to use the phrase ‘mother fucking’) When you open the card a photograph of The Children of the Corn pops up. It’s startling. I am guessing this was a rejected Christmas card photo taken at Sears. Her son looks like his head could spin around at any moment. Her daughter isn’t even in our class. She might as well have included their Uncle Bill and Aunt Sally in the photograph. I hope she realizes when my son isn’t looking this card will end up in the garbage like the rest of them. However, I will always cherish the Valentine my son made during class out of old puzzles pieces and ribbon. Miss Crafty Pants could learn a lesson or two from him.

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