Ding, ding, ding

My ears are ringing. I am sure there are a few mom’s talking about me. It was not a good morning. My 7-year-old cried before school. He is a sweet, sensitive boy. A sweet, sensitive boy who is driving me insane. He has done this every year in September since pre-school. This morning, I made the mistake of walking him to the door. I should have just slowed down and pushed him out. I’m kidding. I just wanted to see if you’re paying attention. He cried, I hugged him, he went inside and ran back out. Rinse and repeat. He did that FOUR times. The fifth time, two moms walked by as he clung to my waist. If donuts tasted as good as apples he wouldn’t have so much to cling to. “Do NOT walk out of that building again,” I scolded, teeth clenched. I swear I saw one of those moms call CPS on speed dial.

They missed the other four times I spoke softly and comforted him. This kid needed some tough love. Did I mention the day before he went in the building, I began to drive away only to see him in my rear view mirror hauling a** on the sidewalk, chasing my car? That is not safe. It reminded me of the scene in “Home Alone” when Kevin McCallister is running with the stolen toothbrush. Yes, I just compared my life to a McCauley Culkin movie. I would say that is rock bottom, if I didn’t pluck two chin hairs while sitting in a minivan last week.

I can hear you now “Aw, poor guy.” I feel bad for him. I really do, but you also reach that point. You know the point. I felt bad the second and third time he ran out. By the fourth time, I wanted to stomp my feet, throw my hands in the air and scream.

I emailed his teacher, asking how she handles his emotional outbursts during the day. She had no idea what the hell I was talking about. In fact, she wrote:


“Good news is that I don’t see any of it. He seems quite confident in class and is so attentive! He is having a great day!”

I was relieved and dumbfounded. Is he f**king with me? Is he a good actor? It’s not like I am sending him to the wolves. Then again, they are teaching Common Core. Could it be that he misses me? Is this separation anxiety or does he want to stay home and finish building the wall around his castle to protect Steve and keep the creepers out? (Ding, ding, ding)

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