Elvira

It feels like the night before the first day of school. I have been invited to appear on a local radio show every Wednesday. I thought for sure the host would get a restraining order after my potty talk last week. Nope. He wants me to be a regular contributor. Go figure. Dancing Queen + Saying Poop = Radio Gold!

I decided to get all gussied up for my segment. It’s the only day of the week I get to interact with other adults. I am losing the Yoga pants and wearing make up. I even bought a new box of hair dye. Okay, before you start playing the banjo here is the deal: my hair dresser is amazing, but with three kids I don’t have an hour and a half to sit at the salon. So, I color my own locks. This month I had a coupon for a particular brand. I spotted said brand on clearance at Target. Jackpot! Well, that’s what I thought at the time. It turns out that brand was probably discounted for a reason. For $2.99, I went from having rich, chocolate brown hair (with strands of silver) to closely resembling Elvira. (Minus the cleavage) So, I guess you could say I have hair for radio. I also have what looks like unusually shaped birthmarks on my arms and neck. I made the mistake of coloring my hair tonight, immediately after putting my children to bed. As I was applying the cream to my scalp my daughter screamed, “Mom, hurry!” I squirted the hair dye everywhere. It turns out my daughter was just thirsty and needed juice. Apparently, you need to soak in bleach to remove the color from your skin because I can’t get it off. I am sure there is a solution on Pinterest, but I’m too tired to search. Elvira needs to be on the air early in the morning.

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