I received a text message a little over a week ago with an invite to a wedding ceremony. I guess they decided not to pay an exorbitant amount of money on invitations that sound like a passage from a William Shakespeare play. Then, you have to buy flowers and a ridiculous favor that nobody wants. What the hell am I going to do with a knick knack engraved with your initials? Do you remember when Precious Moments figurines were popular? My friend’s mother had an entire collection in a quiero cabinet. Did it have a light? That’s a silly question. Of course, you have to put a spotlight on the 1989 figurine balancing books on her head and the sad clown figurine from 1990. I love how people thought porcelain figures that look like they have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome would be worth money someday. I worked at a shop when I was in high school that carried Precious Moments pieces. The owner was a tightly wound man. He was short, balding and had wire rim glasses. He wore pleated pants and freshly ironed short sleeve dress shirts. He didn’t need to announce his virginity when he walked into a room. He dusted the Precious Moments figurines on a daily basis, looking at each one like a mother at her newborn baby. Yes, it was weird. I didn’t work there very long.
I did not attend the wedding because, although I applaud a city hall wedding, I don’t know who the hell is getting married. I have never met a person named “Egypt.” Someone texted the wrong number. I thought about writing back something like “Why would you marry her?” It could have been an entertaining conversation, but I don’t have the guts. Plus, I am not that mean. However, this guy did and the exchange is fantastic.
You can read more funny text pranks here: Newslinq.com