Garbage Picker!

Did you see a crazed suburban mom sifting through the garbage last night at Target? Yeah, that was me. While my husband could be a contestant on Jeopardy, I have lost my mind. My memory has gotten progressively worse after the birth of each child. So, I can’t name the 50 states, but I have a stretch mark in the shape of Texas on my stomach.

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I didn’t go to Target to pick their garbage. I went to buy things I don’t really need. Before I left the house I noticed a pack of ITunes gift cards, I bought for Christmas, underneath my dresser. “I better put them in my purse before I lose them,” I thought to myself. Fast forward an hour later, while inside Target, I realized I never put the cards in my wallet. I did throw out a bag of garbage before I entered the store. So, I had no choice, but to look in the can. I set down my purse and lifted the heavy metal lid. I used to carry a clutch. Now, I lug around what looks like a small suitcase to hold toys, drinks, etc. for my children. Luckily for me, the trash can is right next to the door. I got looks of sympathy and disgusted glares from other customers. One child asked his mother, “Mommy, why is that lady going through the garbage.” She didn’t answer, but hurried him inside.

It turns out, the cards were not inside the bag I threw away. I retraced my steps. They weren’t in the parking lot, car or house. I came to the conclusion I must have dropped them. I cursed the person who picked them up, wishing them $60 worth of Paris Hilton songs. That evening, I found the cards after all. They were on the counter in my bathroom. I don’t remember using the toilet, let alone setting them down. I also forgot milk when I was at the store.

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