Happy Halloween

My 5-year-old son likes to tell his teacher everything and by “everything” I mean stuff that isn’t true. He told her we were dressing our dog as President Barack Obama for Halloween. Awesome. She must think we are either staunch Republicans or a racist family. False. I would never dress an animal as the President of the United States. Regardless of your political beliefs it is a tad disrespectful. We were thinking our puppy, Max, would make a good Pope. The truth is we are not putting our dog in costume.

My children are dressing as Spiderman, Cinderella and a zombie. I have to put a second coat of spray paint on my son’s zombie costume. He will be the trick or treater who appears to have been impaled with a pipe. Gone are the days of him dressing as a character from a Disney movie. This outfit would scare the s*** out of Tigger.

I will be dressed up as the wet, cold mother who keeps saying, “One more house,” but caves to the pleas of ecstatic children and ends up staying out an hour longer. By the way, I have some advice if you are still trying to decide what candy to hand out. Kids don’t want bags of pretzels, butterscotch discs or toothbrushes. Nor will parents allow them to eat homemade goodies or apples. For all I know you are Maleficent. Stick to the candy that will rot their teeth and add inches to my waistline.

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