Happy New Year

A perfect stranger (opposed to the flawed stranger) wished me a “Happy New Year” today. It is January 10th. He was standing in line ahead of me at the grocery store. I gave a polite grin, but was puzzled. Did he accidentally delete the calendar app from his iPhone? Did he just wake up from a coma? Has he been trapped in the game Jumanji? Whatever the reason, he missed the window to wish anyone “Happy New Year!” After January 5th you have to settle with “Have a nice day” or “Have a good night.” Now, had he delivered the greeting prior to January 1st we wouldn’t be having this discussion. “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Easter,” “Happy Thanksgiving,” etc. are all acceptable leading up to the big day. Wish someone a “Happy Valentine’s Day” on March 1st and you will find yourself blocked on Facebook, labeled a weirdo or both.

The cashier was a bit of a Chatty Cathy. If you can talk and scan at the same time I will be your best friend for ten minutes. We can discuss world politics, your family issues or favorite cheese. Otherwise, you will have to save it for your therapist. The longer you talk, the more my child wants something from the candy rack. I would like to get my hands on the man who came up with that idea. Sure, we could avoid temptation alley by checking out our own groceries. Good luck finding the SKU for vine ripe tomatoes. Plus, even the most sophisticated person looks batsh*t crazy mumbling curse words to a computer over an unexpected item in the bagging area. The only thing worse is wishing someone a “Happy New Year” January 10th.

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