Jammies

It’s pajama day at my son’s school. That is a fun idea if you live in a Hanna Andersson catalog. Unfortunately, we do not. My son has outgrown most of his pjs. He looks like Madonna in the 1980’s when he lifts his arm. I rocked the half-tops in high school. Now, I wear layers to keep my muffin top contained. As for his pj bottoms, he could wade through flood waters and come out dry.

I was holding out for Christmas pajamas. My mother-in-law gives my children the best pjs every year. This dress-up day foiled my plan. I had to make an emergency trip to the store last night to get a new pair. I returned and my inquisitive son asked, “How come moms don’t wear pajamas?” Let me explain, I do not walk around naked when the sun sets. I just don’t have cute, matching tops and bottoms. I wear whatever I can find. I wear whatever comfortable clothes I can find. I am not wearing carpenter jeans and a blazer to bed. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. I don’t care if you are hammering in the morning, evening or all over this land nobody should wear carpenter jeans. It’s not that I wouldn’t like a nice pair of pajamas, but it’s not a priority. That money can be spent on other things. Besides, I don’t have anyone to impress. In my dreams, Ryan Gosling loves me just the way I am.

I do not own a single pair of “Mom Jeans,” but I have a drawer of “Mom Jammies.” If my nighttime attire were listed in a Victoria’s Secret catalog it would probably be described like this:

Softball Player PajamasStay cool in comfort. These cotton draw string shorts make you feel 10 pounds lighter, even when you are bloated. You can slide from your down comforter to shortstop without changing your clothes.

Charity Walk PajamasFeel good about yourself as you drift off into dreamland. It is comfortable and a good reminder about what really matters in life. This cotton t-shirt is brought to you by the local Rotary Club.

The Painter PajamasSlip into these pants and feel like Monet; if Monet lived on a cul-de-sac. Splattered with paint from projects gone wrong, these pajamas are one of a kind.

The Wannabe Yoga Instructor Pajamas You don’t have to do Yoga to rest comfortably in these pants. The elastic waistband stretches on those nights you want to eat your feelings.

Was His Pajama SetYour husband’s t-shirt that “shrunk” in the dryer will work just fine when everything else is dirty. You don’t need a headache. This gives off the “Don’t even think about it” vibe.

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