Last week, a federal advisory panel recommended approval of what would become the first drug to treat a lack of sexual desire in women.
There has been an intense lobbying campaign to get the little pink pill approved. Over 60,000 people signed a petition launched by a group called “Even the Score.” I have never been passionate enough about something to sign a petition or buy a bumper sticker. That is a real commitment. What if your child isn’t an honor student next year? Then, you’re a liar.
Many women do not need medication to treat their “headache.” We are usually more turned off by your behavior than your “Dad Bod.” I am not buying into the “Dad Bod” craze anyway. Women would not choose the guy with the beer belly and white New Balanace sneakers over Ryan Gosling.
I have compiled a list of things men can do to increase a woman’s sexual desire. It’s a prescription without a co-pay.
1.) Pick your socks up off the floor.
2.) Don’t eat anything that crunches around her. Ever.
3.) Empty the garbage can when you can no longer put garbage in the can.
4.) Remove the empty toilet paper roll and replace it with a new one.
5.) If something runs out (ie. milk, bread, etc.) stop at the store and buy it. The time it takes for you to send her a message you could’ve milked a cow.
6.) Offer to let her sleep in. I know there is a good chance it won’t happen anyway, but pretend it’s a possibility.
7.)Put your dirty dishes in the sink. The sink and the dishwasher are two different things.
8.) Put your phone down when she is talking to you even if the Fantasy Football draft is in progress. A fake team that you will pretend to own for several months won’t keep you warm at night.
9.) Clean up after yourself.
10.) Ask her about her day and listen. There will be a quiz later.
In the very least following the directions above will keep you alive. I don’t think you will find that health benefit written on a bottle of pink pills.