Pass me a breath mint

This seemed like such a good idea at the store:


Well, it was actually bribery to get my daughter to stop talking. We were at the checkout when she started yelling, “Yuck! Mommy your breath smells like poop!” In my defense, it was coffee not feces. Although I appreciate her honesty, I didn’t need the entire store to know I needed a mint. She wouldn’t stop. “Ewwww!” She plugged her nose. “I’m gonna fhrow up.” She meant throw. You’re gonna hurl insults at me sister and you can’t even say the “t” sound. (Two snaps in Z formation) She kept repeating it. She started gagging. She was going to throw up. I think she was being a little dramatic. I did the ‘blow in your hand’ trick and it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t enough to make one lose their their lunch. I had a teacher whose breath was way worse. His teeth looked like candy corn. Anyway, I distracted my daughter with these giant lollipops to get her to shut the f*** up. It worked. Now, everything inside my swagger wagon is sticky and my breath still stinks.


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