My day started with my darling preschooler telling his teacher we were late because “mom had to poop.” He wasn’t lying, but damn the honesty. I refused to let it ruin my day. After all, for the first time in a LONG time I was able to button my pants without holding my breath or doing squats to stretch out the material. I was feeling fine and even had a strut in my step. It was more of a Claudia Schiffer walk than an Eminem strut. I even dared to wear a shirt without a cardigan to hide the back fat.

It’s been much more difficult this time around to lose the baby fat. It could be from the Oreo cookies (I can’t NOT celebrate their 100th anniversary) or because I’m over 35. Anyway, today I swear I caught a 20-something co-worker looking at my ass. Then, I skipped to the restroom and realized I had been walking around all day with a third boob. I tried to convince myself that my bras are shrinking. Truth is I have become my 5th grade lunch lady. I used to think she was some sort of circus freak. It turns out she was probably a mother who also refused to buy a bigger size. Oh, poop!

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