Purple People Eater

Do you know why grape flavoring was invented? Me neither. Well, actually, I think it was to let parents know where they stand. Purple serves as a constant reminder that, once you procreate, you no longer get to enjoy things you like. The kids come first. You won’t ever get to eat a cherry lollipop again. The kids will snatch the good flavors leaving you with purple. Oh, they will say they want purple. They will put it in their mouth, swirl it around and then decide they want yours. “Wanna Trade?”

Popsicles? The freezer is like a purple popsicle graveyard. Nobody wants them. Your children will devour your Fudgesicles allowing precious chocolate droplets to crash on the floor while you are stuck with grape ice. Have you ever seen a bowl of Jolly Ranchers or Jelly Beans with nothing left, but cherry? It ain’t going to happen my friend. Your children will make sure of it. I swear the day they leave for college I am going to eat an entire bag of Tootsie Pops except the purple ones. I will mail those to the dorm. Suckers!

Read more: CynicalMother.com

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