Sorry ‘Bout Your Loss

Having a miscarriage sucks. It’s kind of like telling everyone you won the lottery and going bankrupt. I was pregnant with my fourth child earlier this year. I know, who the hell in their right mind would have four kids? This girl. Perhaps, I need to learn how to keep my legs closed. When you tell people this would be the fourth they look at you like you are the Octomom. I just felt that I was destined to bring another child into this world. There was somebody else I was supposed to love. (besides Ryan Gosling, I’m ready whenever you are big guy. wink, wink) I broke the “don’t tell anyone until you are out of the first trimester” rule. After all, I had already popped out three kids. I never thought I would lose this baby. It really is a loss. You fall in love with the baby the minute you realize you are pregnant. You imagine what he/she will look like and whose personality he/she will have. Then, in an instant that dream is gone. I made the announcement on Facebook. No, I am not one of those people who posts every time I take a shit. It just seemed like a good way to spread the word. However, I never followed up with the status “Had a miscarriage. Thank God it didn’t happen in the toilet at Target.” (It almost did) Instead, I went into hiding for a week. I didn’t want sympathy or to listen to assholes say how it was meant to be. I had a few people send notes, a few included gift cards. Who wants a baby when you can go shopping at Fashion Bug? I no longer cry when I speak about the child that I would have loved. I still run into people who don’t know I had a miscarriage and ask, “So, when are you due?” (which makes me realize I need to do more crunches) Just this week the lady at the meat counter at our local grocery store brought it up. She was embarrassed, but how could she know? The lady who slices mesquite smoked turkey wasn’t on the top of the list of people to notify. I told her, “It’s okay. I have three beautiful children and count my blessings everyday. Can I also get a pound of ham?”