-
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater
It’s always a good time with my friends until one of the girls talks about sex in front of my pubescent son. We met today at a local pumpkin farm, husbands and children in tow. It’s an annual tradition. This place is like a poor man’s amusement park. Admission is less than $50 for a family of five. There are huge slides, games, a corn maze, wagon rides, farm animals, etc. Plus, this year they added a zip line: I was the middle-aged woman screaming like I had just bungee jumped off the grand canyon. It was fun though. Actually, it was the perfect day. We ate cider donuts and…
-
Spiderman is absent
My 5-year-old has been sick for two days. Initially, I thought I had been duped. The sneezing and coughing magically stopped after I decided he would stay home from school. He even asked if I would take him to the park. Honey, are those superhero masks cutting off oxygen to your brain? Hell to the no. Instead, he played with toys, video games and even made a brief appearance as Spiderman. He enjoyed ice cream and potato chips. We watched all his favorite TV shows. “This is what I’m missing when I go to school,” he said. Hardly. I am just trying to make up for my completely irrational reaction…
-
Don’t copy!
Can anyone out there bail be out of jail? My 5-year-old son is turning me in. He is in kindergarten and just started bringing home small paper books. Get down from your tree hippie, I know all books are made out of paper. I mean, these are printed at the school. I’m sure they pay a publishing company a ridiculous amount of money for the right to copy 4 pages. I could have written these books myself. “I can run. You can run. We can run.” ( I think it’s pretty presumptuous of the author to assume we all can run.) There are a lot of popular children’s books written…
-
Mission Impossible
Sometimes I envy people who can put their child into bed at night and walk away. I’m a wuss and was never able to leave the room when my babies were crying. So, I have rocked them to sleep or laid down with them. (We even went for car rides at midnight to get my son to sleep) There is nothing like having a child fall asleep in your arms. However, there are those nights when you just want the kids to go to f****** sleep. My husband and I have been trying to watch a movie together for the past, oh, year or so. We were going to make…