To infinity and beyond

My son must be posing for a Calvin Klein ad later. Why else would this be an issue this morning:

ME: Let’s get dressed. (trying to be cheerful)

HIM: I’m not wearing that.

ME: You’re not wearing what?

HIM: Those underwears (obviously confused that a pair of underwear is actual singular)

ME: And why not?

HIM: I’m not wearing Toy Story underwears.

ME: You love Toy Story. Why not?

HIM: What if my friends see them? (If this was a possibility I would have already reported the school to social services)

ME: You’re not going to take your pants off. Now get dressed. We’re going to be late. (The teacher already thinks I’m a crappy mom. That story later.)

HIM: No! Those are not cool.

ME: Fine. Well, then what pair do you want to wear?

HIM: Spiderman

Moral of the story: It’s not okay to be caught with your pants down if Buzz Lightyear is on your ass. Underwear with a man dressed as a spider is just fine.