This is a public service announcement: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are real people. She isn’t really a high school student who fell in love with a 104-year-old vampire. I know the paparazzi loves Hollywood relationship scandals, but I’ve never seen anything like this. Twilight fans are going bananas. How can they play with their Bella and Edward dolls ever again? I think Twilight maniacs are like devot Scientologists. They believe in things that don’t exist and jump on yellow couches after having sex with women young enough to be their daughter. Well, something like that. I think the girl in this video has lost touch with reality. She needs to call her therapist. Actually, she needs to move in with her therapist. Please, trust me and relax. If Kristen nearly died giving birth to her and Robert’s half-vampire-half-human daughter Renesmee they can get through this.