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Let it Go! Oorah!
I have heard this song 999,999 times. My daughter puts the kitchen chairs in rows, makes me sit and watch her perform. I’m not allowed to hear the actual song. She wears headphones while she belts out the incorrect words. Once again, the past isn’t in the car. It’s really pleasant. I’m also not permitted to sit in the front row. Those seats are reserved for the invisible ticket holders. I can barely see past their giant heads. Just when I thought I couldn’t take another YouTube video of “Let it Go” this came along. I present to you….what happens when Marines watch Frozen…..
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Nailed it!
I don’t want to brag, but my friends and I won the lip sync contest back in middle school. I wish I had video to share because it was a killer performance of The Shangri-Las’ “Leader of the Pack.” I was the lead and nailed it. This kid would have blown me out of the water, but he wasn’t alive back then. I don’t know if I have seen anyone ever moonwalk as well as Michael Jackson until now. There is only one thing that annoyed me. Could someone tell the girl at 1:40 ish to sit the hell down?
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Taye Diggs followed you
I will never forget the moment Taye Diggs followed me on Twitter. My kids were finally asleep. I was laying in bed, bloated with a heating pad resting on my abdomen and eating a can of Pringles. I was licking the salt off my fingers when my phone buzzed. It was an alert from Twitter. Did someone like my thought enough to retweet it? How can I feel good about myself unless a complete stranger pats me on the back? Favoriting a tweet only feeds my insecurities Why wasn’t that good enough for a retweet? It’s like getting second place. Nobody is going to see that you favorited my tweet.…
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Emma Stone vs. Jimmy Fallon
Emma Stone kicked Jimmy Fallon’s a** in this lip sync battle. Spider-who? Girl power!
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Siri + preschooler = Friday night entertainment
There was a time when I spent Friday nights bar hopping with friends. How did the phrase “Bar Hopping” come to be? Did people hop to bars before the automobile was invented? Hopping is a lot of work. I would much rather skip or sidestep than hop. Hell, “Bar Galloping” would be easier, but I digress. My point is times have changed. My entertainment this evening came from a 4-year-old and Siri. This is the advertisement for Siri: Oh, really? That is not entirely true if a preschooler fires off questions. My daughter was telling Siri about the birthday party she attended today. Sure, my kid speaks in fragments followed…
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Teacher’s only
I finally did something I have wanted to do since I was a kid. I peed in the staff bathroom at my old elementary school. When I was in the second grade I saw two teachers walk out of the bathroom laughing. They are having fun in there. I imagined parties with candy, gold sinks and fancy soaps. Why else would they forbid kids to enter? I volunteer every Tuesday to read with the students in my son’s class. You haven’t lived until you’ve listened to the same story over and over and over again. I could recite the book, “Kit’s Mitt” with my eyes closed. It’s about a girl…
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Instant Karma?
Have you seen this video making its way around the world wide web? Jeffrey White, of Florida, was caught on camera tailgating a woman on a highway and giving her the finger. Seconds later, he spun off the road and crashed into a light pole. He was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident. There is no denying Jeff acted like a jerk, but do you notice something wrong in this video? Besides the fact that the woman videotaping (old habits die hard) recording the video had her phone in the wrong position (always record horizontal people!) did you notice she was driving in the wrong lane? Was…
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F**k you, Caillou
Ten things I would rather do than watch Caillou. 10. Get a Brazilian wax 9. Give a Brazilian wax 8. Wake up in 1970 with a debit card and no cash 7. Wake up next to Carrot Top 6. Be a Kardashian 5. Be Kid Rock’s Loofah 4. Try on swimsuits with model Giselle Bund- whatever the hell her name 3. Eat out of the nacho fountain at Old Country Buffet 2. Walk around Orlando, Florida in August wearing a long sleeve pantsuit made out of bacon 1. Call my bank using a rotary telephone
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When the owner is away…
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Bad Words
There is only one way to end this stellar day and that is binging on a heaping pile of waffle fries before midnight at an airport restaurant. A few women, whose diet likely consists of water and rice cakes, stared in envy. A guy in a Duck Dynasty sweatshirt gave me a thumbs up. #WINNING My journey to the Big Apple is coming to an end. I was invited to a screening of Jason Bateman’s directorial debut, “Bad Words.” (The film is set to be released on March 14th.) I brought my good friend Kristin with me. We stopped for a drink at Tao before the movie. (Oh, you fancy,…