Taye Diggs followed you

I will never forget the moment Taye Diggs followed me on Twitter. My kids were finally asleep. I was laying in bed, bloated with a heating pad resting on my abdomen and eating a can of Pringles. I was licking the salt off my fingers when my phone buzzed. It was an alert from Twitter. Did someone like my thought enough to retweet it? How can I feel good about myself unless a complete stranger pats me on the back? Favoriting a tweet only feeds my insecurities Why wasn’t that good enough for a retweet? It’s like getting second place. Nobody is going to see that you favorited my tweet. You might as well give me an invisible trophy.

It wasn’t a retweet. Taye Diggs followed me. I figured it was a fake account, a ploy to get me to click on a gambling website or porn. No, it was really him. A million thoughts raced through my head. Taye must dig c-section scars. Perhaps, it’s the ponytail I am currently sporting on top of my head. Maybe, just maybe Taye likes a good set of cankles. I posted the screen grab to Facebook bragging about my new admirer. Eat your heart out ladies!

Then, the truth came out. Taye doesn’t like my body and think I’m sexy. He isn’t telling me so. He doesn’t find me funny or want to read my blog. Taye is just using me. He doesn’t care about me at all. He is just trying to get followers. According to Carson Daly, who the Today Show is holding captive in an orange room, Taye is on a Twitter following spree. He is not only a two timer, but 35,000 timing me. He is following 800 new people a day. It’s working. He has gained more than 40,000 followers since he went on this spree of deception. I forgive you Taye because you are pretty. Plus, whether you admit it or not you are from my neck of the woods. I will follow you back Taye Diggs, but don’t hurt me again.