Perfect

Dora’s Mami and Papi can forget abandoning their daughter today. I need their van to hide a stain on my rug.

I have tried every stain removing trick on Pinterest. This spot has even stumped my steam cleaner and that sucker has performed magic. I would love to tell you what spilled on the carpet. Unfortunately, the suspect refuses to come forward. If I had $1 for every time I have heard the words “It wasn’t me” I would be a very rich woman. I think my children may grow up to play in the NFL.

My older son suggested I buy a new rug. Why? So they can have a new rug to dump s*** on? I have a three spot rule. The carpet stays until it starts to look like a Twister mat. Otherwise, I would be replacing carpeting once a month. My kids know I don’t recommend bringing food & juice out of the kitchen. However, I’m not going to lock them in a cage if they break the rule. That punishment only applies if they speak during a Ryan Gosling movie or eat the last piece of chocolate on the second Monday of the month.

I am always amazed when I visit a house, where children reside, and it is immaculate. Light colored furniture? Pristine walls? Clean carpets? How is that even possible? My kids ride scooters on the Brazilian cherry wood floors. Toys regularly collide with the walls leaving dings and dents. Sure, I may have to hold Dora’s family hostage, but isn’t that what makes a house a home?