Dear Snapple Lady,

Consumers are bombarded with promotions and contests. My children are incredibly optimistic. They always think they will win a prize. I have to be Debbie Downer and crush their dreams. I’m sorry. I am not wasting money on a box of cereal they will not eat in hopes of winning a gaudy t-shirt.

I don’t buy into the hype. So, you can imagine how skeptical I was when my father informed me he won a contest. It was part of Snapple’s new promotion. You have the chance to win a trip to the finale of America’s Got Talent in New York City. If you find a star under the cap you are a winner. However, you don’t know what you’ve won until you log onto Snapple’s website. Well played Wendy Kaufmann, well played. My mother tried to go online to enter the winning code. She couldn’t type the correct Captcha. You have to be Inspector Gadget to figure out the correct letters. It says to type both words with a space in between. The Captcha creators like to screw with us. Cghku!$ ? Cghk!$ isn’t a damn word.

My father entrusted me with the valuable cap. I created an account and entered the winning code. The prize? My father, who doesn’t even know how to turn on a computer, won a downloadable screensaver or Snapple facts calendar? How on earth could I possibly choose? Wow, that prize sucks! You couldn’t spare a free bottle of Diet Tea for a 60-year-old man? I should have lied to him and bought a 12 pack. Why don’t you just give away air Snapple? My dad was ecstatic at the idea of winning a trip to The Big Apple. He doesn’t like to travel, but wanted to give it to one of his children. The Best Stuff on Earth? My ass!

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