No romance for you

Some parents need to lighten up. After receiving complaints the world’s largest fortune cookie company will stop printing romantic messages. Apparently a few angry Moms & Dads emailed the company. They don’t want their kids reading messages like “A romantic mystery will soon add interest to your life” after eating Lo mein. A romantic mystery? Does that mean you will read a juicy Jacklyn Smith novel? How about you tell your kids it’s just a cookie. They won’t really find a pot of gold because it was written on a thin slip of paper. Quite frankly, if anything, we should be complaining about the bland taste. Is that supposed to be vanilla? Companies that manufacture medicine have a similar problem. Clearly, they have never tasted a cherry.

Company officials at Wonton Food say, from now on, the messages will be G Rated. The old messages will be replaced with “You make every day special,” “No one on Earth is as beautiful as you,” and “Only love makes us see ordinary things in an extraordinary way.” I guess I can stop pounding fortune cookies hoping for the “Ryan Gosling will appear shirtless in your bedroom” message. Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us.