…. of my dreams

My extreme couponing is clogging my inbox. I score toiletries for under a buck, but get a ridiculous amount of Spam in return. I didn’t realize “liking” a certain brand of shampoo = she must be in the market for a penis enlargement.

I would pay money to be in the guy’s head who wrote this email.

What should the subject line be? Have the penis of her dreams. No, that isn’t catchy enough. Have the c**k of her dreams. That won’t work either. Have the d**k of her dreams? Everybody uses the word d**k. Our product needs to stand out. I got it! Pecker! Have the Pecker of her dreams. SEND (Leaves work in a T-top Corvette, but not before placing his hair piece in the glove compartment)

I cannot tell you how often my girlfriends and I talk about the pecker of our dreams. If you could be a fly on the wall. We don’t want help around the house. We don’t complain to each other that you leave socks on the floor or that you pass gas on the way to the bathroom. We could care less if you help give the children baths or get pretzel crumbs on the couch minutes after we vacuumed. We don’t want gifts or flowers. We just want the pecker of our dreams.

I have tried to unsubscribe, but new messages keep popping up. I suppose I shouldn’t complain. J.C. Penny and I are pretty close. He has deals just for me. Macy considers me a friend or family. Jenny Craig wants me to be a better me in the New Year. Plus, now I know there is a product to give me the pecker of my dreams.