I may have the only child in the world that wants glasses. I took my 5-year-old to the eye doctor a month ago after he complained he couldn’t see words. He cannot read yet. He just started kindergarten. I never purchased the “My Baby Can Read” DVD’s. I am too cheap. Plus, the commercials with babies reading freaked me out more than the dancing baby on Ally McBeal. Besides, if the B-A-B-Y can S-P-E-L-L how can I have a conversation in front of H-I-M?

I couldn’t just ignore his cries for spectacles. What if he really was having trouble seeing? It turns out he thought he would be able to read books if he had glasses. Who needs to learn sight words and letter sounds when there are magic glasses. If only it were that easy. Unfortunately for him, he passed the eye exam with flying colors. He was pissed and isn’t getting over it. He begged me all weekend to buy him eyeglasses. His friend at school gets to wear them. Well, I guess my son picked the short straw and ended up with a really lousy mom with good DNA. I tried to explain to him that he doesn’t need glasses. I offered to get “fake” glasses, but he wasn’t having it. “You don’t need prescription glasses,” I said, “Your vision is fine.” He collapsed to the ground in dramatic fashion and wailed, “I don’t want vision! I don’t waaaannnt VISION!!!” So, we did what any good parent would do. We recorded his meltdown. Someday he will laugh when he sees this video….with 20/20 vision.

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