Somewhere over the rainbow

Rainbow? F-ing Rainbow? That is what Holly Madison named her baby? I never thought Holly was the brightest bulb in the box. After all, she willingly had sex with a very old man. I don’t care how many bathrobes he owns, there isn’t enough KY in the world to make that enjoyable. I know it’s crazy, but I want my daughter to get an education. I want her to be successful, not a hooker who dresses like a bunny.

A girl named Rainbow will never be taken seriously in the corporate world. Rainbow is the name of a drag queen or a stripper. Could you imagine hearing “Ladies and Gentleman, The President of the United States, Rainbow.” It will never happen. Plus, kids in middle school will taunt her with songs from the Wizard of Oz. I still hate Michael Jackson’s song, “Dirty Diana.” An a-hole in my graduating class would sing, “Dirty Deanna, No” to me. Clearly, the water in his trailer was shut off and he couldn’t clean out his ears. It was Diana, not Deanna.

Holly Madison also ate her placenta. I am not kidding. It is the latest trend in Hollywood. Some freaky scientist figured out how to make it into pills. If a multi-vitamin leaves an after taste, can you imagine something placenta flavored? Where I am from, out here in the sticks, we eat ice chips after giving birth. Rainbows are in the sky. They don’t dance on poles.

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