Update (8:25 a.m.) – I googled Sizzurp. It is a homemade elixir mixing codeine and soda. Idiot.

I cannot stay on this emotional roller coaster. There are conflicting reports about the health of rapper Lil Wayne. TMZ is reporting Lil Wayne is near death. My uncool friends are thinking, ‘She obviously didn’t spell check this blog post. She must mean Little Wayne.’

If you live under a rock, Lil Wayne has won a few Grammys. He uses drugs (allegedly) and has done time in the prison. Oh, and he brought us the song, “Lollipop,” that will no doubt be a classic for many years to come. (It has nothing to do with candy.) What would this world be like without him? (wipes away a tear) Friends say Lil Wayne, a.k.a. Weezy, is alive and well. In fact, Birdman (a clearly credible source) says the 30-year-old is in good spirits. Another friend says he and Weezy were watching college basketball. (Cuse, SU, Go Orange!)

Lil Wayne’s mother may or may not be on a plane to NYC. She should beat his ass for going on a Sizzurp binge. I don’t know what the hell Sizzurp is, but it doesn’t sound good for you. TMZ says Weezy needed his stomach pumped to get all the Sizzurp out. Now, TMZ claims, Weezy is on life support. I think we can all agree that this fella has been brain dead for a long time. I hope he recovers and grows the hell up. I can’t take Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy butchering another song by The Police.

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