Jump around, jump up, jump up and get down

My kids have a three day weekend. So, we went to an indoor trampoline park on Friday afternoon. There is a 50/50 chance you will get a one way ticket to the emergency room at this place. We managed to leave in one piece. I was worried my younger two would be afraid. We have a trampoline at home, but this is a little intimidating to me. It is a giant warehouse of trampolines. There are basketball hoops on trampolines and an entire area for trampoline dodgeball. The latter may not be such a good idea for a 5-year-old. (Hindsight is a bitch) To the kid who threw a ball at my kindergartener’s face: watch your back sucker. I don’t care if you are still in diapers. Nobody throws a ball at my baby in the corner.

It turns out my children weren’t afraid at all. My 3-year-old was bouncing her face off in the toddler area. The only one pissing her pants was me. Your bladder is never the same after having three kids.

There is one area where you jump into a pit of foam blocks. My son’s friend did a flip into the pit. A bunch of girls did splits in the air before landing in the pit. I assume they were cheerleaders because they were wearing shorts with the word “cheer” on their ass. My daughter will never wear words of any kind on her derrière. It is like saying, “Hey, you, creepy guy wearing tube socks, look at my under aged daughter’s body.” Anyway, I figured if these chicks can do it, so can I. My 5-year-old, fresh from his facial injury, went first.

As if to taunt me he yelled “Cannonball” while falling. I got this in the bag. I am 37-years-old for f***’s – sake.

Smooth move Ex-lax!
My 3-year-old daughter, upset that I let her down (or pissed that I jumped without her) threw her drink and snack on the trampoline. It was not at all embarrassing to trip and fall on my face and be covered in juice. Next time I am wearing Depends and, as Tanya Harding as my witness, I will land on my feet.

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