Wide right

My 6-year-old will never forget his first NFL football game. I am certain of that because he was completely traumatized.

He was grinning ear to ear when we pulled into Ralph Wilson Stadium. “There it is! There it is!” My husband gave me the we are awesome parents nod. Damn straight. We are creating memories. We arrived early to do some G rated tailgating in the parking lot. We played football and binged on junk food. My husband woke up early to pack the supplies. Ha! I am kidding. Seeing a man get anyone, but himself ready for a family outing is like coming face to face with a unicorn.


There was an audible gasp when my son saw the field for the first time. It was magical. My husband has been a Buffalo Bills fan all his life. This moment made all those painful years (wide right) worth it.


It was an exciting game. The Buffalo Bills had some great plays. We cheered and laughed. Then, it got really rowdy. Listen, I am not naive. I realize people drink alcohol at football games. I expected to hear a few curse words. I wasn’t prepared to sit in the front row of the Ultimate Hillbilly Fighting Championship. Apparently a New York Jets fan looked at an inebriated Bills fan. So, obviously the Bills fan had to punch the Jets fan in the head. Then, their friends got involved and a mini riot ensued. My terrified first grader started to cry.

What did you expect bringing a child to a football game?
I expected people to act like civilized human beings. I now realize that is an unrealistic expectation of someone sporting Zubaz, face paint and a clown wig.

I was pissed. So, when, about 30 minutes later, a bunch of girls nearby started bickering I intervened. I approached one of the 20-somethings near the concession stand. “Excuse me, I am sitting behind you with my children. If you so much as look at that other girl wrong I will have security drag you and the other Snooki look a likes out of here.” They apologized and barely spoke the rest of the game. Yeah, I am a buzz kill and proud of it.

Oh, and this happened at the game, too. (What the….)

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