I need to wash my mouth out with soap. Sure, a perfect mother would never swear in front of her kids. Does that mother have a dog that urinates on the floor moments after you took him for a walk? I may mumble a phrase or two in frustration every now and then. No, I don’t want my kids talking like truckers, but it happened. We were in the car after leaving the library. Since I imagine all the books and toys are covered with the H1N1 virus I busted out the hand sanitizer. My kids clearly need more toys because they are so amused by that stuff. My daughter…

I’m adding a new feature to the site. “That’s What He Said” will feature actual statements from various men I know. Guy: Fashion tip: If you have a fivehead don’t pull your hair back. Seriously, you’re scaring children.

and not the kind some massage therapists give.     I am not a crafty gal, but I love this above a doorway. It should say “And They Live Happily Ever After Except On Those Days He Left His Socks On The Ground.”  

This is a way cool idea that will keep the kiddos busy for a few minutes anyway.

It seems every time I go to the grocery store we are surrounded by silver haired paparazzi. Older ladies love my daughter. She has big blue eyes and chunky cheeks. Yes, I would admit if she was ugly. I actually hope she isn’t peaking too soon. I am thinking of making her wear a sign that says “Don’t Touch.” Today a creepy looking man wearing tube socks was gawking at her. In my book you are a child molester until proven innocent. I don’t trust anyone. He spoke to directly to her, “Well, aren’t you cute. What’s your name?” Then, he reached out to try and touch her hair. I…

If chain letters were normal you would sign your name.    

I met The Bubble Man. No, not a Vegas impersonator. The real deal. What? You don’t know who The Bubble Man is? This is a person who has dedicated his life to making bubbles. He was in town this weekend for a big show. The Bubble Man created snowman bubbles, caterpillar bubbles, dancing bubbles. He stuck his hand inside bubbles without popping them. My 4-year-old son was bursting with excitement. The crowd went nuts when he put smoke in the bubbles. I don’t know if this guy was born into a bubble blowing family. Perhaps his mother was an expert blower. Um, bad choice of words. Maybe his father could…

Warning: I am about to get mushy. Don’t worry. I will go back to criticizing the world tomorrow. (or later today)   My son asked me yesterday if he said “boap” instead of “boat” like his sister. He is 12. She is 2. I thought about it and realized I couldn’t remember. Perhaps there are mothers and fathers with photographic memories. I know those moments are in my head somewhere, but I can’t always recall. I know my eldest son said so many things over the years that made me laugh out loud. If I had written them down perhaps it would jog my memory. I could relive the times…

I love adding a splash of color to an outfit. These are cute even when my hair is in a ponytail. (Which seems to be often. Who has time to flat iron their hair everyday?)