I was in desperate need of something to smile about. This article actually made me laugh. “Mom Takes Children’s Songs Literally” comes to us from Mcsweeneys.net
Kudos to Sarah Schmelling. Here are a few of my favorites:
What do you mean, she’ll get here “when she comes”? That’s not a time. How can I plan around that?
And we’ll all have chicken and dumplings? All of us? Even you three vegetarians? Who’s going to be cooking these dumplings anyway? Remember that time I made pierogies? No, I bet you don’t remember that.
Okay, someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah. What is this, a guessing game? And no one’s going to be “strumming on the ol’ banjo” in my house. I’m not stupid.
You are not a little teapot, honey. You’ve just got my hips. I’m sorry.
You’re paying far too much attention to that very, very small spider.
Is the old man snoring? Or is he in a coma? Because if he bumped his head and can’t get up we need to call someone. And it’s going to be tricky since it’s raining. And it’s pouring.
Well nobody asked you to carry a banjo all the way from Alabama.
– -What are you talking about, “how I wonder what you are”? It’s a star. You just said it was a star.
GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TREE. NOW.