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Bad coach
Update: Rice has been fired. Good. Have you seen this video of Rutgers men’s basketball coach, Mike Rice, abusing players? Rice is seen yelling homophobic slurs, shoving and kicking players. It doesn’t stop there. He must have deep rooted issues from his elementary school days. As if playing a heated game of dodge ball, he throws basketballs at their legs, heads and bodies from point-blank range. I hated dodge ball. I also dreaded rope climbing. I never made it to the top. Call me crazy, I didn’t trust that the paper thin mat on the ground would break my fall. Overall, gym class was my least favorite subject. It could…
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Laughter is the best medicine
My children argued from morning until night. They fought over a chair even though there were four identical ones at the table. They argued over the couch. “That is my spot.” My daughter is the Christopher Columbus of sectional furniture. She apparently discovered a particular cushion and makes everybody move. At one point, I was screaming at them to stop screaming. Of course, it was that moment when the doorbell rang. I seriously thought about making everyone hide. Who was at the door and how much did they hear? Then, I realized it was just my parents. There was no need to be embarrassed. They know my house is crazy.…
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April Fool
Call me crazy, but I don’t like to be lied to. I don’t care if it is December or April. Unfortunately, it is the day when people make things up without facing any consequences because they shout, “April Fools!” Oh, you aren’t really dying? I didn’t win the lottery? There is no such thing as bacon mouthwash? Well, you got me a-hole. I think I have a pretty good sense of humor, but I won’t be pulling any pranks today. I can share an awesome deal I just scored on Shutterfly. They have a coupon for 101 free prints. So, you can knock out the person who played an April…
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Monthly Rage
One week, every month, I want to rip my husband’s face off. (Hey grammar/punctuation police, don’t bother emailing me. I am an adult and will use as many damn commas as I want.) Now, don’t get me wrong, there are other times when my spouse annoys me, but this week I make Brandi Glanville seem pleasant. It just so happens in this cycle, PMS will rear its ugly head during Spring Break. No, that doesn’t mean I will be popping Midol before throwing my bikini top on a stage in Daytona Beach. It means my children are home from school for 10 straight days. I like having my kids home,…
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Easter party
When your kids are young their faces light up the moment you enter a room. Inevitably, when they become teenagers, that smile disappears and is replaced with an eye roll. My 5-year-old still adores me. (Most of the time) He was thrilled when I visited the school today for an Easter party. (It may have been because I was carrying boxes of donuts, but I will pretend he was cheering was for me.) I don’t want politically correct lunatics to get their panties in a bunch. The kids didn’t complete dot to dot Jesus worksheets during the classroom Easter party. They played games, enjoyed a snack and went on an…
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Urine Controlled Video Games?
You have got to be kidding me? I will never get my boys out of the bathroom if this becomes a trend. A minor league baseball team in Pennsylvania is going to offer urine-controlled video games. No, I am not making this up. The system is designed by a British company called Captive Media. The custom urinals feature a “pee controlled” video screen. (R Kelly must be so happy!) SMH! (I just learned what SMH means. I had to google it after I received a text message.) For example, in a snowboarding game, to turn left you urinate to the left, to turn right you pee right. My children have a…
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Shameful
A teenager accused in the shooting death of an innocent baby in Georgia was in court today. Nancy Grace is wetting her pants over this story. She is going to pull her hair back with a bedazzled bobby pin and analyze the entire case. By now you’ve probably heard what happened. A woman, pushing a stroller, was allegedly approached by two teenagers demanding money. When she refused they shot her and threatened to kill her baby. She didn’t have anything to give them. So, she says, one of the boys shot the 13-month-old in the face. If I were still a TV news reporter I would just give you the…
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LMFAO
Wow! This kid can sing. He takes an extremely irritating song and makes it enjoyable. Now, some of the lyrics are even more ridiculous in this soulful rendition of “I’m Sexy and I Know It.” (i.e. “I’m in the Speedo trying to tan my cheeks.”) Still, it works for me. LMFAO! Watch this video on YouTube
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and the winner is….
We have our first winner in the monthly CynicalMother.com giveaway. As you can see the drawing was very official: Watch this video on YouTube Congratulations to Gayle Lander! You win this beautiful necklace: Don’t worry if you didn’t win. We will have another drawing next month for a cool prize. It’s simple to enter, just subscribe to CynicalMother.com. (Yep, enter your email in the box to left) The necklace was provided by Leann-Beads
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Whining in Espanol
Do you know what’s more annoying than Caillou? Watching Caillou in a language you do not understand. Well, Cynical Mother, you say, why would you do that? It’s not by choice. I think my daughter takes pleasure in torturing me. She somehow found the Spanish translation of Caillou on YouTube. She asked me to type “Star Whores” in the search engine. I am not sure if that is a Dirk Diggler film, but she meant wars. A few clicks and swipes later she is watching Caillou in Spanish. It doesn’t phase her in the least that she has no damn idea what they are saying. Then again, whining is a…