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Musical Theater Gone Wrong
My children are very dramatic. They love music and movies. My oldest is destined to be a Hollywood director. My youngest is constantly acting. No, I am not a stage Mom. However, I guess it pays to be one. I just read Honey Boo Boo is a hit in Europe. I am not a fan, but I would watch it dubbed in Spanish. What is the translation for “Sketti?” My husband recorded my daughter’s recent performance. Stick with it because this skit goes from sweet to WTF? Watch this video on YouTube A knife? Was this fairy tale written by Quentin Tarantino? Read more: CynicalMother.com
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A warm hug….
I think it is time for my son’s school to update its book collection. In kindergarten students are encouraged to refer to the pictures to help them read. It makes learning difficult when your kid has no idea what is in the picture. Here is an example. A recent book we read was titled “Hugs Are Warm.” I am sure, back in the day, this book was a contender for the Caldecott Medal. Nowadays, it doesn’t quite work: A warm hug is like… a diseased liver? (Real answer: a water bottle) A warm hug is like…. ….. a furry sweater? (real answer: a coat) A warm hug is like…. ….…
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Here we go Loopty Lew
I spend hours helping my kindergartener practice writing his name. He will likely have better handwriting than me. I hold my pencil between the wrong fingers. So, my signature is a bit sloppy. However, it looks like calligraphy compared to that of Jack Lew. President Obama is expected to nominate him for Treasury Secretary. If he gets that gig his signature will be on the dollar bill. So, what’s the big deal? You tell me: Come on Jack! There doesn’t appear to be a letter in that loopy mess. Do you have hands like Mickey Mouse? Send me your address (print it. The postal service won’t deliver to OOOOOOOOO lane.)…
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So true
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www.nobodytoldme.com
I try to keep up with modern technology. My phone is smart. I regularly use hip text lingo. LOL. However, I just learned I am stuck in the 90’s when it comes to surfing the web. I didn’t get the memo that you no longer have to type “www” to access a website. My husband saw me logging on to the world wide web and asked, “What are you doing?” Nobody calls it the world wide web anymore? “You don’t have to type www,” he chuckled. I moved my pocketbook and sat down on the Davenport to catch my breath. Am I really that old? I did get a typewriter…
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Parent Rap
Speak the truth Mama…(and Papa) Watch this video on YouTube
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Wish List
Gwyneth Paltrow published her Christmas wish list. Phew! I have been to a million stores trying to find her the perfect gift. This will make shopping much easier. Included in her list is a quilted Yoga shirt with one strap. Gwyneth was frustrated that she couldn’t find a single strap Yoga shirt so she teamed up with Beyond Yoga to make one. I wish the only thing I had to worry about was whether or not my left shoulder was exposed during a downward facing dog. Girl has a lot of time on her hands. Give me $75 and I will cut one of the sleeves off your current Yoga…
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Road Rage
I have been slacking the past few days and haven’t written much. I have an upper respiratory infection. If my husband was suffering with this runny nose, sore throat and cough I would have to deal with his insufferable whining. He would have moped around in the “feel sorry for me” robe. I bought him a robe to wear from the bathroom to the bedroom. It is meant to be a cover up so my children aren’t scarred for life. It became an article of clothing. I want to crawl into bed until tomorrow. I don’t have that luxury because I am a mother. So, in between hosting house guests…
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Oprah’s Favorite Things
“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” I think there is an even greater philosophical question. “If Oprah releases her annual list of My Favorite Things and there isn’t an audience to scream and cry when receiving free shit, does the list matter?” The big O’s 2012 list will make you feel like a member of Honey Boo Boo’s family. Here are a few of my favorite gift ideas for people with more money than they know what to do with. Curtis Stone Kitchen Solutions Oil Can Can Do “So there I was, telling Curtis Stone how…
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Election Day
I thought I would share some election day wisdom from my 12-year-old. During a conversation at breakfast he offered this analysis of the last election, “People didn’t vote for John McCain because he was old and ugly and that is just wrong.” Perhaps that is how the Kardashians choose a president, but it is not why he lost. You can stop with the Facebook status updates reminding people to vote. Save the caps lock for those riveting updates about food. We all know the polls are open today. My polling place ran out of the coveted “I voted” stickers. The kind poll monitor gave my daughter a Hershey’s Kiss. Needless…