My daughter has Spidey senses. She can smell food long after it has entered my digestive system. “Mom, what are you eating?” Nothing. Well, not nothing, but it’s mine. Kids take everything from you. I do have my very own candy stash hidden in my house. Caramels, butterscotch discs and root beer barrels are a few of my favorites. (I am going to be very popular at the nursing home.) I know if I share with my daughter my son will want one. Then, my husband will find them. Today I tried to sneak a few Tootsie Rolls before taking my daughter to the park. We have a play set at our house, but it didn’t come with a kid whose nose is constantly oozing snot, an obnoxious mother smoking a cigarette while pushing her toddler on the swing or sexually explicit graffiti. So, my daughter insists on using the public swings and slides. I was helping with her shoes when my 3-year-old daughter began sniffing my face like a dog. “What are you eating?” Nothing. I already ate it. She leans in a little closer. “I smell something yummy.” Nope, not here. Sniff, Sniff. “It’s candy.” I don’t know what you are talking about. Tears. “I want one!” Damn it. .
Now, I don’t have anything left in my candy stash. If I can’t binge on junk food what the hell am I supposed to do on a Friday night? At least I still have ecards to make me happy. This one made me giggle: