• Teacher’s only

    I finally did something I have wanted to do since I was a kid. I peed in the staff bathroom at my old elementary school. When I was in the second grade I saw two teachers walk out of the bathroom laughing. They are having fun in there. I imagined parties with candy, gold sinks and fancy soaps. Why else would they forbid kids to enter? I volunteer every Tuesday to read with the students in my son’s class. You haven’t lived until you’ve listened to the same story over and over and over again. I could recite the book, “Kit’s Mitt” with my eyes closed. It’s about a girl…

  • Mommy Dearest

    Mommy Dearest doesn’t have anything on this woman. (Wire hangers still make me nervous.) The children of a Nevada woman wrote a scathing obituary for their deceased mother. Basically, they are glad she is dead. The obit appeared in The Reno Gazette-Journal, which was published on September 10. Clearly, their editor was kidnapped that day. I guess my 3-year-old daughter doesn’t have “the worst mother ever” after all.     Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small…

  • You say it’s your birthday

    I think I am having somewhat of a midlife crisis. Don’t panic. I have not purchased a Corvette or gold chain. I guess I just thought that, by now, I would know what I want to be when I grow up. (Obviously, I’m not going to be one of the Fly Girls after all.) There are 38 candles on my cake today and I am still searching for my passion. I started this blog not only as a way to vent, but because I like to write. I walked away from the news business after a decade because I couldn’t write about death and destruction anymore. I don’t regret my…

  • LMFAO

    Wow! This kid can sing. He takes an extremely irritating song and makes it enjoyable. Now, some of the lyrics are even more ridiculous in this soulful rendition of “I’m Sexy and I Know It.” (i.e. “I’m in the Speedo trying to tan my cheeks.”) Still, it works for me. LMFAO! Watch this video on YouTube

  • DisICK

    My kids have asked me what hell is like. I tell them it is a very hot place where the only thing on TV is “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Clearly, I am not a fan, but I know the characters. It is hard not to when they are on every magazine rack. Tabloid Magazines chronicle their every move. It pains me to talk about that family, but what happened on a recent episode really pissed me off. I read about this scene online. Kourtney’s husband, Scott Disick (minus the “is”), is unhappy with his wife’s post body baby. She weighs all of 115 pounds. I weighed that in 7th…

  • I wish I may, I wish I might..,,

    I love how the mind of a 5-year-old works. Tonight my son demanded I explain step by step the proper way to wish on a star. I didn’t know there was a right and wrong way either. Apparently, some snotty kid at school told him his wishes weren’t coming true because he wasn’t following the “wish making rules.” Clearly that kid broke the rules too because he is still living in a trailer park. (Oh, no she didn’t!) I thought about telling my son wishing on a star won’t guarantee anything. I couldn’t burst his bubble. I only tear down people I don’t know. Besides, I am guilty of wishing…

  • VIP

    Once you have children it takes a lot of planning to coordinate a girl’s night out. Last night our calendars were empty. The men would stay home with the kids. My husband assured me he would leave work on time. I took off the yoga pants and put on clothes. I was even going to wear heels. I was as giddy as a child on Christmas morning. Would I really have adult conversation tonight? I wonder what it is like to have hot food? Alcohol? The time I expected my husband to arrive came and went. Then, I got the call, ” I ran out of gas.” Let me repeat.…

  • Bath time

    Bath time sucks. The advertising gods have a way of making it look like the highlight of each day. Children are gently splashing in the water while Mom looks on with a twinkle in her eye. Don’t get me wrong, my kids love hopping in the tube. Literally. They love to hop in the tub. I would be a millionaire if I got a $1 each time I said, “Sit down. You’re going to fall.” The other popular phrase is, “Don’t put the water in your mouth.” Do they realize they are drinking their own filth? I spend 10 minutes hunched over the tub trying to get shampoo out of…

  • Germ Buster

    My son came home from school and demonstrated the proper hand washing technique. The school nurse visited their classroom and gave a lesson on how to be Germ Busters. The same child who complains daily about going to school loves pretending to be a teacher. He squirted two pumps of soap in his hand, lathered it between his fingers and asked, “Do we rinse our hands now?” He cut me off before I could speak. He didn’t really want an answer. “No, we don’t,” he said. “Say it together. No. We. Don’t.” Really? This is turning into a game of Simon Says? “No. We. Don’t,” I echoed slowly. His hands…

  • Tooth Fairy

    My son has a loose tooth.  He is excited, but a little terrified at the same time.  Can you blame him?  The kid has grown accustomed to using all of his teeth to chew food.  Now, five years later I inform him they are going to fall out.  “What day will they fall out?”  he wondered.  As a parent I would like to have an answer for everything.  If I don’t have an answer to a homework question I secretly Google it.   If it can’t be answered on the internet I call my Mom.  “I don’t know,” I said.  “It will come out when it’s ready.” He knows what…