You scream, I scream

My kids have discovered the ice cream truck. I was outside weeding when I heard the faint sound of a bell ringing. It brought back fond memories of my childhood. The ice cream truck was nearby. I dropped my gardening tool and ran inside to grab my purse. Well, it was more of a speed walk. “Hey guys! It’s the ice cream truck!” My children had no idea what the hell I was talking about, but ran outside anyway, “What’s an ice cream truck?” I explained, “You can buy ice cream right outside your house!” I sounded like I was selling the ShamWow. My son was skeptical, “Real ice cream?” I didn’t have time to explain that there is everything from Bomb Pops to sorbet in the shape of Pink Panther with bubblegum eyes. The kids trailed behind as I frantically waved my arms. I looked like I was either drowning or a big spender at a strip club. A white pick up truck pulled to the side of the road. I can tell you Magic Mike was not driving. A man sporting jean shorts, black sneakers and white tube socks stepped out. His hair was a deep gray color with streaks of silver. I don’t think it has seen a bottle of Suave since the Carter administration. While my children were choosing an ice cream, panic set in. What the f*** was I thinking? I flagged down a strange man who smells like shoe polish to give my kids ice cream? My son and daughter skipped inside the house. Meanwhile, I was trying to memorize his face to compare to the local sex offender registry. I even tried to snap his picture.

Then, I followed the kids back inside and locked the door. I decided it was time for a little “After-school Special” speech while they enjoyed their frozen treats. “I know Mommy just ran to a stranger’s truck for ice cream, but you don’t ever, ever, ever do that,” I continued. “You don’t ever talk to strangers. Not even if they say they have candy or ice cream or anything. If a stranger calls your name or says they know Mommy or Daddy run and scream.” They nodded. “A stranger could kidnap you and you will never come home.” My 13-year-old shouted from across the room, “Yeah, cause he will throw you in his trunk and kill you.” Okay? Now, enjoy that ice cream!