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Random stuff
Here are a few random things I wanted to share with y’all. Used Car Ad This used car ad made me laugh. There isn’t an obnoxious salesman screaming into a camera. This was posted on Ebay. The vehicle description is fantastic. “Since owning the vehicle, it has been thrashed, raced, rallied, and the interior has been smashed up in a domestic, not to mention the time my wife booted the wing because I suggested she eat a salad or two. ( please refer to photo of foot next to dent for reference).” “If you are looking for an immaculate, well maintained example of a Mercedes e320 CDI… you have come…
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Coupon insert = entertainment
It is no secret that I love coupons. I am a rookie extreme couponer. I don’t have 90 cans of peas in my pantry, but I could supply deodorant for an entire NFL team. I just bought three 12 packs of Bounty paper towels and a bottle of Tylenol for $6.30. Bam! Do you know what I love even more than scoring a high value coupon? The advertisements that are included in the Sunday inserts. They bring me so much joy. Please allow me to explain why. The model is saying “Ta-dah! For $19.99 you can look like you are 50 years older, too.” Put these on and you won’t…
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Eggs
I think my husband has lost his mind. This is an actual conversation we had yesterday via text message. Save money? What could it be? For the kids? What kid do you know that has fun with chickens? This must be a joke. I was hesitant to get a dog. I am not raising farm animals. We occasionally eat eggs on the weekend. We don’t live in a big city, but we do live in a city. There are codes. Our neighborhood won’t even allow above ground pools. There is no way a chicken coup is going to fly. We are rebels and purchased a plastic white trash pool, but…
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Home plate surprise
Grab a tissue. A 9-year-old girl threw out the first pitch at a baseball game in Florida in honor of her father who is serving in Afghanistan. After she threw the pitch the catcher took off his mask to reveal his true identity.
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Baby book meltdown
I was an emotional wreck tonight reading a book written to teach babies about body parts. Hand, (turn page) fingers,(turn page) belly, (turn page) leg, etc. Surprisingly, it was never chosen as a selection for Oprah Winfrey’s Book Club. There is no storyline or life lesson. It also wasn’t completely made up by James Frey. The baby model must have been cast by a blind editor. This kid is ugly. You are lying if you say, “All babies are cute.” Of course, my children were gorgeous. However, this baby looks like the product of a cousin/cousin marriage. Still, it brought me to tears. I read this book to each of…
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Living in Danger
My 3-year-old thinks my doctor moonlights as a hairdresser. I had an appointment Friday morning to get a haircut. I tip toed around the house, hoping to sneak out without waking my children. I got dressed in the dark and used a manual toothbrush. (I forgot how exhausting that can be.) Unfortunately, my daughter woke up and demanded to know where I was going. If I told her the salon she would want to tag along, “I have to go to the doctor,” I said. My doctor’s office has a box of toys missing important parts and magazines published in 1998. “I will stay here with Dad,” she decided. My…
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Dad reenacts conversation with toddler
Here is another idea I wish I had first. My 13-year-old couldn’t understand why I found this video amusing. Then again, he couldn’t understand why I got pissed when he asked me this morning if I was pregnant. “Oh, it’s just your stomach was sticking out,” he said. After all these damn crunches I still look like I am in the first trimester? I am not pregnant, but I may put him up for adoption. Parents will appreciate the hilarity in this reenactment. I LOL’d.
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Bullies
I almost made the news this morning and that’s not a good thing. When I dropped my son off to school I noticed three boys were teasing other students. They would follow each kid who walked by their group. I don’t know what they were saying, but it wasn’t “Good morning.” One boy tried to lose them by turning around, but the bullies were relentless. They were not only mocking kids, but intimidating them. Little bastards! I reached for the door handle and then froze. I had an outfit on that would make Rachel Zoe vomit more than her breakfast, lunch am dinner. I was wearing gym shorts, a tank…
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Hair did
I don’t think I have been on time for an appointment in 13 years. That is why I take my children to a chain hair salon. Well, that and I am cheap. You have to be careful though. These joints hire the girl who burned the hairs off the mannequin in cosmetology school. My kids get their hair did about every three and a half weeks. Basically, when they start to look like Justin Beiber (back when he owned a belt) it’s time for a cut. The chain salon I frequent won’t take appointments. However, you can call ahead and put your name on a list. It’s basically like getting…
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I workout
My daughter fell asleep 30 minutes ago, but I am still watching cartoons on Disney Junior. Why? The remote fell on the floor and I can’t pick it up. Seriously, I CANNOT pick it up. Every muscle on my body aches. I did a workout routine today that involved squats and something called a “Burpee.” The only “Burpee” I was aware of involved a baby and spit up. I would rather walk around smelling like puke. I wasn’t taking a class at the gym. I don’t have the time or attire to workout in public. My exercise gear includes a t-shirt my husband got for free for buying a 12…