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Breaking Bad the Musical
I cannot wait for the season premiere of “Breaking Bad.” I have been like a crack addict at Betty Ford. I need my fix of Walter and Jesse. Here is a recap of the past five seasons in a musical performed by middle school students. Bravo!
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RIP Sgt. Lawson
You can probably name a member of the Kardashian family. There is a good chance you’ve heard of Honey Boo Boo, but you probably don’t know guys like Sgt. Scott Lawson. He only fought in some of the bloodiest battles in the Iraq war. He only received a bronze star for his bravery. Why should you know him? After all, he didn’t have a made for TV wedding or cook “sketti.” Sgt. Lawson served with my husband in the Iraq war. Please don’t lecture me about WMD’s. The reason for taking down Saddam Hussein doesn’t negate the bravery of the troops. Sgt. Lawson’s unit was highlighted in a 2004 Time…
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Ultimate temper tantrum
We have all been in a store or restaurant and had to drag a child out kicking and screaming. The first time your kid throws a temper tantrum it’s embarrassing. I will never forget when my son lost his mind in the mall and was screaming “Put me down” as I struggled to carry him and shopping bags while pushing a stroller. Why didn’t I just put the bags or the kid in the stroller? Hindsight is a bitch. I was sweating and got annoyed by all the stares. “Haven’t you ever seen a temper tantrum before?” I shouted to complete strangers. By the second or third kid you aren’t…
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Look at your own risk
My eyes are burning. Geraldo Rivera tweeted a picture of himself wrapped in a towel. Sure, you can look good at any age, but it’s Geraldo. I can’t get past the mustache. A penny for your thoughts?
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Garage Sale Finds
My entertainment of late is browsing an online garage sale website. Here are a few of my latest finds : How exactly does one play with parakeets? For only $50 you can buy this Chuckie doll for your child. (Therapy will cost a lot more) What goes better with jeans shorts and crocs than a fur vest? Plan on winning the best dressed award at the county fair. I am just guessing, but I doubt the local convenience store appreciates you selling their shopping baskets.
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Dickey
I may need to wax more often. First, my 3-year-old daughter asked, “Are you growing a beard Mommy?” A few prickly hairs does not a beard make. Damn perimenopause. Now, I am being compared to a transgender Navy Seal. If you haven’t heard the story Kristin Beck was once a member of the elite SEAL Team 6. She deployed 13 times as Chris Beck. He retired and she wrote a book about being transgender. Do you follow? Personally, I could care less if he/she wants to wear a jock strap or a dress. Either way he and she is pretty bad ass. Plus, it’s none of my damn business. You…
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Relief
My 6-year-old son is braver than me. (Or is it braver than I? My English teachers are cringing.) This kid had a piece of his head cut off today and didn’t flinch. He underwent surgery to remove a mole with moderately atypical cells. I nearly lost my mind when I heard a pathologist mention the “c” word. No, he didn’t call me a C U Next Tuesday. Although it wouldn’t have been the first time. I noticed the mole after my son got a horrible haircut. Our usual hairdresser was off, but my children were starting to look like Chewbacca’s relatives. So, I scheduled an appointment anyway. This chick gave…
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Around the web
My daughter’s toy cash register is possessed. It will occasionally begin “talking” in the wee hours of the morning. “Let’s Go Shopping!” It also plays incredibly annoying music. At around 3 a.m. today it kept repeating “Four, Four, Four, Four, Four.” Clearly, it needs new batteries or to be crushed with a hammer. I had no choice but to get out of bed to shut the damn thing off. Then, I couldn’t fall back asleep. So, I played with my phone. Here are a few stories I found on the World Wide Web: Two High School Boys Win Cutest Couple Baseball Game Thunder They Yankees & Red Sox are tough…
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Not my job
My name is Deanna and I am an enabler. (Hi, Deanna) If something isn’t done I will do it myself. Thus, I am always the one doing the menial chores. Well, that is going to stop because I am doing my children a disservice. I came home from the store a few days ago and much to my amazement my husband unloaded the dishwasher. I applauded and busted out a cheer from my high school days. Yes, I was a cheerleader. It was a brief experiment. My legs are like bricks. My Herkie looked more like a country music line move. Plus, cheerleading skirts and cankles don’t mix. “We are…
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Deuce
I was told this morning that I looked “tiny.” I am 5’7 1/2 and the only tiny thing on my body is my pinky toe. Even it is larger than average and bends slightly inward. I have been working out, but don’t feel thinner. I definitely feel older, having to ice my achy body after every cardio routine. I am not trying to be a size 2. I run, lift, lunge, etc. to maintain my sanity. Now that I am home more with the kids I need all the natural endorphins I can get. The next person who says “It must be nice that you don’t have to work” is…