Alba’s Advice

Another Hollywood actress has some advice on how you can be a better parent. (I just threw up in my mouth.) Jessica Alba has written a book called “The Honest Life: Living Naturally and True to You.” She says it is “super easy” to do the things in her book. The title alone makes me want to punch her. Among other things, Jessica recommends leaving plastics outside for a few days to off-gas the chemicals. Really? Clearly, she doesn’t have feral cats in her neighborhood. Plus, try telling your kid he or she can’t play with a toy until it airs out. Can you say meltdown?

She also recommends making your own baby food and giving yourself facials with coffee & yogurt. Then, whip up a batch of homemade laundry detergent. Who the hell has time for that? (Ain’t nobody got time for that.) I am lucky if I get to shower. My kids ate Gerber & Beechnut Baby Food and turned out just fine. As for coffee and yogurt facials? The only yogurt in my refrigerator has a sneaky bunny rabbit on the box. Jessica claims she does this crap on her own. She is a millionaire. I can’t afford to buy organic produce. I don’t read the labels on everything I buy. I enjoy Slim Jims and Diet Coke. My kids chug Kool aid. They are healthy and happy. I have other things to worry about. So, bite me Sue Storm.

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