Are you threatening me?

I remember making empty threats when I was a kid. “I am going to runaway and you will never see me again!” I was just mad because I didn’t get my way. Perhaps my Mom wouldn’t buy me the neon orange jelly shoes I wanted. Maybe she told me to turn down my cassette player because I was blasting Janet Jackson’s “Control.” Regardless, I had no intention of living under a bridge. Where would I store my scrunchies and Aqua Net?

My 3-year-old daughter is already a feisty one. She recently informed me she was looking for a new Mom. I asked her if she was using Craig’s List or placing an ad in the newspaper. She was upset because I wouldn’t allow her eat Starbursts for dinner. No, you will eat those damn French fries and like it!

My 6-year-old came up with an unique way to punish me. He was angry tonight because it was time for bed. I know it can be pretty shocking when you have the same routine 365 days a year. He stormed into the bathroom faster than Jaime Lee Curtis. I assumed he was going to brush his teeth until my oldest came into my bedroom giggling. “Um, he is threatening to put his foot in the toilet if you make him go to sleep.” My kindergartener was standing with his size two foot dangling over the loo. My husband and I looked at one another in disbelief. Who would have to give the We don’t put our feet in toilets speech? Before we could play rock, paper, scissors our 6-year-old appeared. His sock was dry. Apparently, he realized dipping his toes in urine and s*** would hurt anybody, but himself. He cracked a smile and we all laughed. Then, we closed the bathroom door and went to bed.

Children are bi-polar. That was the same kid who painted this beautiful picture for me :


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